Desperation
by LoveYourLife77
Summary: I never wanted to leave him like this. I never wanted to leave at all. His eyes so hurt and broken. How could I do that? But as the Moon Princess I have to do whatever I can to keep peace. Even if my heart is broken.
1. Chapter 1 Emptiness

**Desperation**

**Chapter One: Emptiness**

_I never knew what to do when it came to love. I wanted it so bad. I have it now, but no one ever told you how bad it hurt. Whether the hurt was coming your way or you were hurting someone. We don't learn that at all. Not until we are faced with it, head on. When we are young we learn about princess' who are dependent on Prince Charming. There is not one story where love doesn't win. Where love and friendship, instead conquer all. I used to think that until now!_

"Amara, I just can't do it!" I yelled at the strongest scout.

Something big was coming, we knew it. Something so big, it was possibly going to rip us all apart. the question that was asked, well more so told to me was from the scout of Uranus. It was time that as I, princess and leader of the scouts left the inner scouts and went with the outers for awhile. No Rini, Luna, scouts, or most importantly Darien. Whatever was coming our way needed to be dealt with by the outer scouts. You can ask me why, but I can tell you I honestly have no clue.

"Princess, We will do whatever it takes to keep everything at peace. But you need to come with us for your protection, period!" Amara whipped back around to where she was in my face.

I shook my head and turned away from her. "Amara, your one of my best friends. You came to me and claimed something was coming but you don't know what it is? How am I supposed to leave everyone without notice, especially Darien!" I cried.

Darien, was the most important thing to me. He was my family just as the inner scouts were. How was I supposed to leave them all alone, with no warning. I know as the Moon Princess I had to do whatever it took to keep peace. But something inside me hurt. Just knowing that I might have to leave them.

"Serenity please!" Michelle began to beg.

I turned immediantly around, "Stop calling me Princess and Serenity! I never asked to be your princess or the leader of the scouts! I never asked for any of this! Your asking me to leave them, helpless. Darien and Rini too! I can't. This is to much!" I was angry now.

I cursed my mother more than ever. I never wanted to be a princess and a warrior. I never wanted to have to leave those who I loved. I never wanted this pain. I just wanted to be a normal senior in high school. I wanted prom, and a life. But now I have everyone's lives to worry about now. I had to much responsibility. Maybe it would have been different if we were back in the Moon Kingdom time. But that is done and over with now.

"Serena, you have to. Deep down you know you have to do this. We leave tonight."

I turned to look at who's voice that was, only to meet the Scout of Time's eyes. At that moment I knew that if Trista said I had to do it, i had to. She had seen everything that will and has happened. She never did anything if it wasn't helpful of beneficial. I had to do this, despite the pain.

My eyes went down to the ground and I nodded. It was three against one, I couldn't say no. With that I turned on my heels and walked out of the apartment.

This was going to be hard. I wouldn't say anything to the scouts, but Darien. I would break it off with him. If something terrible were to happen to me then he wouldn't hurt that bad when he found out. I could just see his eyes now, the sadness, the hurt... Oh God! How could I do this? He was my Prince Endymion, my family, my protector, and my only love.

Tears began to fall from my eyes and the pain in my heart became unbearable. This was torture. I remember what it was like when he ended it with me awhile back over his dreams. I remember the pain of the breakup. The pain of not seeing him, and worse, when he had Andrews sister on his bike.

I had never hurt someone before. It was not something I did. I do everything I can to make people happy, to show that there are people who care. This was going against everything I stood for.

He saved me even before he knew we who I was. Even when he hated me, he loved me. He always listened when something was wrong. He was a shoulder to lean on and cry on. His eyes brought me reassurance. His lips told me he cared, and his body showed me how much he loved me.

He is my everything. I gave him everything of me. I showed him all my flaws. I showed him I trusted him and loved him no matter what. Now I was about to rip the carpet out from under him!

"Serena?"

Huh! I looked up to meet two concerned dark blue eyes. The I realized who it was. Shit! I quickly rubbed the tears from my eyes and stood up. I hadn't even noticed that I was sitting on a park bench or how long I had been sitting there or the fact it was raining.

"Serena?"

I shook my head, attempting to rid my head of my thoughts. I looked up at him and tried to place a smile on my face. He smiled and then frowned. Apparently he can see right through my smile. He reached for my hand and helped me up. He moved the umbrella so it was covering both of us.

"Bunny, are you okay?" He asked concerned.

I smiled at the nickname he had given me. But then shook my head. He placed his arm around my shoulder and pulled my wet form closer to him.

"Let's go back to my place and get you some dry, warm clothes." He smiled.

I wanted to scream no. I wanted to tell him I couldn't do that. To just let me go home, or sit here. But I nodded and walked to his apartment with him.

The silence between us wasn't helping the sharp knife in my heart. It just dug it in deeper and deeper.

Before I knew it we were at his apartment door and he was fishing for his key. Once he unlocked the door I walked in. Immediantly stripping the wet clothes from my body, I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. I went to the drawer that had some of my clothes. Thank God! There was underwear. I quickly put on a new set of underwear and a bra, then grabbed his sweatshirt of his bed and through it over my head. It smelled just like him.

"So are you going to tell me what in the hell you were doing out there?" I looked up at him, his eyes concerned.

My mouth was dry and It was like all the words were stuck in my throat. My eyes began to sting with unshed tears. I turned away from him. He could not see how much I was hurting.

Out of nowhere his arms wrapped around my waist and he snuggled his head into the crook of my neck. He placed a kiss on my check and then on my neck.

"Talk to me Bunny. Your killing me with your abrupt silence." I hated when he talked like that, all smart. But then again I loved it too.

"I can't." my voice cracked, that was enough for him to turn me around.

His face was tense as his eyes searched my face, looking for any clue it would give away. He focused on my red swollen eyes. "Sweetie, please!" he pleaded

His face was soft and concerned. It hurt to hear him beg for me to talk. But it just couldn't come out. It was stuck in my throat.

"_Deep down you know you have to do this." _

Trista's words hit me like a brick. I backed away from Darien. His eyes showed the confusion. He truly had no idea. I had to do this, as Princess of the Moon and Future Queen it had to be done.

"I can't do this with you anymore Darien." I kept my eyes on his, even though I was ready to run.

He cocked his head. This his face realized what I had just said.

"What?" He whispered.

I turned from him and grabbed a pair of shorts from my drawer. I sucked in a deep breath as I pulled them over my legs. Then I turned to face him.

"It's time we see other people. I can't do this with you anymore. I don't want to be a queen, I don't want a kingdom. I want a life! I want to go out and meet people Darien." I blurted out.

His face twisted into pain. He reached toward me and I placed my hand in front of him to stop him. I shook my head. I knew if he grabbed and pulled me into a hug, I would take everything back and stay with him.

I turned away from him and threw all my clothes into my bag. He didnt need this anymore. I wouldn't be coming here ever again. It was over, and my heart broke.

My eyes stayed on the floor as I turned around. Bad move. His arms grabbed me in a tight embrace. I tried to fight it at first but I dropped my bag and held him tight. His tears fell onto my neck and I realized even more that I couldn't do this.

"Please tell me what is going on! This isn't you Bunny. Did I do something wrong? Please tell me if I did, I can't loose you." He whispered.

I shook my head, "Darien, please just let me go." I whispered.

I wanted to just grab him and kiss him. I wanted to remove mine and his clothes. Take him to his bed and show him he is the only one for me. That he is my prince and that I would be forever his.

But that couldn't happen. He held me tighter and I cried I screamed into his chest. I balled my fists up and slammed them onto his shoulders. My knees buckled and he slowly helped me fall to the floor. I cried as if someone had died. Something did die, our relationship.

He combed his fingers through my wet hair and rubbed my back, trying to calm me down. But it didn't work. I sobbed into his chest. Continually asking "why?" He didn't understand what was going on, but he grabbed my face in his two hands and kissed me.

It was like nothing mattered anymore in the world. It was just him and I, together forever. I loved him more than anyone, but I couldn't let him know there was a chance of us.

"Bunny, please tell me what's going on. I can help you. If its me, tell me what I did. I need you Serena. Your my princess, your my life." He pleaded with me.

I stared into his midnight blue eyes, and then I did the unthinkable. I shook my head, put all my force behind me and pushed him away from me.

Then i was gone, never to return to those broken midnight eyes.

Last thing I heard was "_Serenity..."_

**TBC Reviews please!**


	2. Chapter 2 Depature

Desperation

Chapter Two: Departure

I couldn't breathe. My chest was tight and I could feel the bile trying to come back up. What had just happened? How could everything have been so perfect, yet now was in ruins? Had I really just ran out on the man that I have forever loved? Had I really just lied to him and told him I wanted to meet new people? Had I really just made it out that I was no longer in love with him? How could I have done this! Screw this planet! This was not fair!

The pain was to much for me to bare. All I wanted to do now was just end the pain. Death seemed so sweet and easy, but deep down I knew I couldn't do it. But how bad I wanted deaths cold hard grip. It would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to hurt the people I cared about. I would no longer have to watch them suffer. It would just be the end, then I could finally be reunited with my mother, Queen Serenity.

Despite the fact that we had been reborn on Earth, with such a tiny memory of our past she still appeared to me. In dreams she would come and talk to me about the days of the moon kingdom, about my father I never knew. She would tell me how proud she was of me, and that she wished we were still on the moon instead of a dream land. Then she would turn on her heels and head down the halls of the moon palace that looked all restored. Once her shadow was gone, it turned back to the collapsed ruins it was now.

I would rather be back there. I would rather be there during a peaceful time, without any of this. I would rather be sneaking down to Earth to see it's prince. I would rather be sitting in the moon palace garden, not here on this planet. It seemed as though it was harder here then it ever was back during the Silver Millennium. Why is this? I just don't understand.

The tears finally began to show themselves and cascade down my cheeks. I needed to get to my car before anyone saw me. I was running down the stairs now, trying to get to the parking garage. I needed air, I needed to drive fast and far. Once down in the garage I spotted my car. A present from the outers, a black Mustang GT sat there.

I fiddled with the lock trying to get it open. I must be having a panic attack. Finally the door unlocked and I was safe in the confines of the car. I sighed in relief. I looked over the car to see if everything was in order. The black leather seats were nicely clean, the new touch screen radio blinked with a message. When the world had finally seemed peaceful again, the scouts decided to get a new communication system. We all had in our cars a touch screen radio and camera to be able to live video chat with one another.

I immediantly turned it off and turned on the ignition. The car roared to life. I put it in reverse and whipped it out of the parking spot. I fought the manual stick at first. Apparently to upset to match the clutch and the gears together. I switched on the radio to some heavy rock and from there driving was easy.

It had only seemed like minutes as I was driving down the country roads. I watched as the speed odimeter raise from 80 to finally 100. The windows were down and it was nice to feel the cold winer air hit my face.

_Beep Beep._

I looked a the screen that showed I had an incoming call. I shook my head and turned up the radio even louder. Trying to focus on Avenged Sevenfold's new hit So Far Away. This was exactly the song for me.

_Never feared for anything. Never shamed but never free. A laugh that healed the broken heart with all that it could._  
><em>Lived the life so endlessly. Saw beyond what others see. I tried to heal your broken heart with all that I could.<em>  
><em>Will you stay? Will you stay away<em> forever?

You see I was never free, nor will i ever be. I was a royal princess stuck with responsibility and hardship. There was never a way where I could live my life. Tears began to fall as I began to remember things wih Darien. When we firs met, how we were always fighting, calling me "Meatball Head." Then finding out he was Tuxedo Mask and that I was Sailor Moon to being the Prince of Earth as I was the Moon Princess.

_Beep Beep_

_How do I live without the ones I love? Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned. Place and time always on my mind. I have so much to say but you're so far away.  
>Plans of what our features hold Foolish lies of growin' old It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold.<br>A final song, a last request A perfect chapter laid to rest Now and then I try to find a place in my mind._

_Beep Beep _

The was no way I could live without my scouts and Darien! No way! I have so many things I wish I could say to Darien but it's done and over with it. The truth is so fucking cold! I'm not invincible. Damn I'm pissed!

_Beep Beep Beep_

That was it! The scouts had pissed me off for sure now!

"What the hell do you want!" I snapped looking at the screen

Amara looked angry at my 'greeting.'

"Where are you!" Snapped Amara

I sighed and explained that I was driving, needing to clear my head. We than made our plans to meet up in an hour at our new home. Apparently they had already packed for me. Which that was fine, I didn't want to go to my home right now.

We ended our call and I sped to the highway. I watched in my rear view mirror as my perfect chapter was laid to rest.

* * *

><p><em>"I want the princess period!" A dark figure spoke<em>

"But sir we have no way of locating her!" replied the blue haired man

At that moment a tall woman walked into room. She was tall slender, and had gorgeous black hair. She wore a white dress that had a long train. She turned to the blue haired man.

"Yes we do Nightwind. When Sailor Moon appears again, which she will we will find her!" She smirked as she knelt beside the dark figure.

She rested her head on his leg, "My master we will find her and we will bring back OUR kingdom!"

With that they stared at the projection of the future queen, that they knew would soon be dead.

**TBC hit up that review button! I know i was late with this!**


	3. Chapter 3: My Little Piece of Hope

**Chapter Three: My little Piece of Hope**

My mind was like a roller coaster playing everything that had happened over and over like a cart on the tracks. I felt numb. I didn't want to feel pain for what had happened. I was, after all a princess. I had to put my emotions behind me and think of the future. I had to try and think of how beneficial this would be for our planet. It was true the outers were far stronger than that of the inners. So putting us together was probably best.

I didn't even know we had finally made it to our new home, which was 5 hours away from Tokyo, until Hotaru had nudged me. The house was big. of course it was, Amara had to make everything big. It was a large brick house with big windows. It looked like the homes i had seen that were nestled quietly in the gated communities. But this one lay on land, we were in the middle of no where. I did note we had a neighbor a good distance behind our home. Looked as though he or she had cows or horses.

_home..._

I could feel the anger flare up from its peaceful slumber it had just been in. I grabbed my bags violently, acting like the teenage brat i used to be. I needed to rein in it, but it was getting hard. Amara, i knew could sense my growing anger and grabbed the rest of my things.

"Come on Bunny, your gonna love your room!" She winked at me.

I could feel myself calm and the inner curious child come out. My room? Okay, now i had to see this. We walked into the home and i gasped. It was so much larger inside. The staircase wrapped up to the second story and i couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous crystal chandelier above my head.

"Bunny!"

I shook my head and walked across the dark hard wood floors and followed Amara up the stairs. She continued to lead me down a long hallway until we stopped in front of two large doors. I looked at her as if waiting for permission, she nodded and i busted through those doors. I swear for a moment i stopped breathing. This room was every girls fantasy. The perfect princess bedroom.

The walls were a cream color with gold designs dancing across the walls. There was a large window with a bench that i could lay on to gaze outside. The closet was large, a walk-in with most of my belongings in it. The large bed lay in front of me. A large, fluffy cream comforter adorned the bed, with many pillows atop. Mosquito netting fell off the top of the ceiling and wrapped itself around the bed, only having it pulled to the side so i could eventually crawl onto the bed. Christmas lights were wrapped in the netting and it gave off a small relaxing glow through the room.

There was so much more to the large room including my bathroom. Which had a large garden bathtub in it, a marble based shower that rained water through different faucets. it was a truly amazing room, that was all for me. I immediately turned to Amara and hugged her. She was the best protector, and best friend i could ever ask for.

"I'm glad you like it Bunny!" She whispered in my ear.

I could fell that i was getting ready to crack. I needed time to myself. I didn't have to say anything for Amara to know what was going on. She let go of me, gave me a soft smile and left closing the doors behind her. The anxiety was flaring up and i could feel my chest tightening. I was ready to boil over and cry. I missed Darien so bad. My heart was aching for him. I walked over to the window and sat down on the ledge. Pulling my knees up to my chest, i looked out the window trying to figure things out.

That was when i saw him. Across the field I saw a gorgeous dark bay horse run around in his fenced in area. He seemed upset to be continually pacing back and forth. I couldn't take my eyes off him. And I continued to watch him for a good hour.

I watched as he forced his way around the pasture. Every muscle showed as he moved gracefully. He was beautiful. But yet at this moment I realized I had already fallen in love with this animal. He represented me in a way. We were both locked in a cage, yearning to be free. I had to meet this amazing creature.

"Serenity?" Came a voice.

I turned from the widow I gazed out of to see Michelle. Concern filled her green eyes.

"Yes?" Came my reply.

She hesitated and then took a step forward into my room. I didn't want to talk to the outers right now. Amara was still my best friend but I was upset. And I had every right. I knew that my eyes spoke volumes to her. The scout of Neptune froze instantly and turned her face away from me.

"We wanted to know if your alright? We understand that this was unexpected but-" she stopped when I threw my hand up

"Am I alright? You understand? Look Michelle I know my role as the princess but I get to be upset and you don't understand. Imagine having to leave Amara and in the process breaking her heart. It's not okay!" I didn't realize I was yelling at the point.

I gasped and my hands flew up to cover my mouth. I didn't mean to shout at her. I realized I was being irrational, I needed to remember my role as a princess. I turned on my heels and looked out the window I had been looking out before. I watched as that gorgeous horse trotted around his pasture and could instantly feel my body relax. But this didn't stop me from sounding like the queen I knew I'd one day be.

"Guardian, leave me be."

I didn't have to look to know that Michelle wore a shocked and hurt expression. I could here her moving down into a bow.

"Yes your majesty." And with that I heard the door shut and the sound of her heels slowly subsiding as she was gone.

I sighed. It was time I took role as a royal instead of being an immature 19 year old. But I couldn't keep my eyes off this horse. I knew in that instant I had to meet him. I unlocked the window and pulled it open. The November breeze wrapped itself around me In a cold embrace. But it wouldn't stop me. I climbed down the side of the house as silent as I could. There was no need to alert the guardians. These four scouts were not like my sailor scouts back at home. They were my true guardians. They did whatever they could to protect me, even if I didn't like it.

I carefully placed my feet on the grass and without looking back I made my journey across the field to that creature. I had never been so drawn to an animal like I was at this instant. As I got closer to him I could see the sweat covering his chest and every muscle move as he graced the earth with his gate. I was in awe with him. His eyes were wide with fear and rage. His breathing was harsh and he snorted in protest. He looked like how I felt: miserable. I continued to walk up to the fence when a man rushed in front of me.

"I wouldn't go up to him if I were you." He warned.

I didn't take my eyes off him, "what's wrong with him?"

I was concerned for him not to mention annoyed that this man warn me, a sailor soldier.

"He's wild ma'am. They shipped him in from out west. Ain't ever had a human touch him. He's dangerous. We actual just came out here to put the bullet between his eyes!"

For the first time my eyes moved away from the horse and looked at the man, who had a shotgun in his hand. Anger consumed me and I knew I couldn't control what came out of my mouth.

"Absolutely not! I will take him before you end him!" It wasn't a question but a demand that I have him.

He opened his mouth to protest but I turned on my heels and headed to the paddock that contained the horse. I could hear his protest and the protests of my guardians who must have just arrived. I climbed the fence. I watched as the horse stopped in the middle of the paddock. Finally we were face to face. He snorted at me and pawed the ground. I could see he was challenging me. Waiting to sense my fear. But I had none. He threw his head up and snorted as if he was laughing at my lack of safety. I kept my eyes locked on him. This sent him over the edge. He reared up and made a noise of pure frustration.

"Serenity!"

I threw my hand up as if to silence the Scout Of Pluto. This notion made the horse stop and freeze. We just stared into each other's eyes. I could see myself in those brown eyes. He was angry, lonely, and just sad. My heart broke for him. Without thinking I was walking towards him. He just stood there. I slowly rose my hand and my heart fluttered when he put his head against my hand. He's breathing slowed and he's body relaxed.

"It's okay. Your safe now." I whispered to him as I scratched behind his ear.

I turned to look at the man and the girls. "How much do you want for him?"

The man shook his head, " after what I just saw he's yours for free."

I smiled and turned back to the horse, he was all mine. In the past few days I had felt like the world was against me, but now as i looked into those dark brown eyes I had hope that everything would workout. My heart still ached for Darien, but this creature was just the thing to help fix me. He gave me Hope and Peace.


End file.
